The pursuit of 'timelessness'

I need everyone to take a big, deep, Yoga-with-Adriene-style breath

The usage of the word “timeless” seems to have reached a fever pitch in fashion media these days, in short-form video content and on Substack. Everyone, and I mean everyone, is worrying over the timelessness of their purchases. If there ever was a sign that inflation is bad, this collective anxiety over the lasting nature of a purchase is a pretty good indicator. Fashion YouTube is making videos about whether or not their followers should purchase certain items based on whether they are “timeless” or “trendy”. I think this anxiety explains the current mainstream appeal in brands like Sezane, because the French girl look is (supposedly) timeless. And yet, when you look at Reformation from 10 years ago (lumping that in with “French girl” fashion), there is something… just a little off about it. This was sold as “timeless” 10 years ago, but is it? And how does that make you feel about the “timeless” styles Reformation is selling right now?

Whoever named a dress "Citronella"... I just want to talk

I have core fashion beliefs about prioritizing sustainability, cost-per-wear, and longevity in my wardrobe — this goes without saying. If you’re here, you probably do as well. Me and my scarcity mindset go way back, but I do wonder if the “timelessness” we are chasing is some kind of glimmering mirage. I don’t mean to incite panic or the feeling of learned helplessness, but I do want to take a step back and gently ask ourselves if the agita surrounding “timelessness” is really worth it, or if it’s even an achievable goal.

When I got married, I was immediately confronted with and forced to let go of any perceived control over “timelessness.” Almost every week, there is a new Vogue wedding that has reinvented the wheel and set a new bar for classiness and creativity. You can save the pictures all you want, but when you get married on any kind of budget you are immediately beholden to whatever is trendy in the wedding world at the time. I got married a year and a half ago in North Carolina, so all of the affordable options for placecards, napkins, signage, etc. was watercolor eucalyptus and that script font. Even for wedding dresses — most of us can’t afford something custom and it’s silly to pretend otherwise! You’re gonna have to pick from among the options they have at the bridal store you can afford to shop at.

You know what I mean!

I always say I don’t put that much stock in astrology except for my Aquarius tendency to have to do things a little bit differently than everyone else. I did my best, made my own placecards, opted for digital save the dates and put that money towards embossed invitations that I liked more. For a wedding that I planned mostly alone and mostly remotely, micromanaging the appearance of the bar menu and the colors of the balloons tying the balloon arch together was just not part of my ministry.

Cutie little placecards (that manual Cricut guillotine has paid for itself let me tell you)

The details of a very budget (<$20k) 80-person wedding in the Raleigh-Durham area

I think a wedding is a poignant lesson in the futility of timelessness because you have to spend a ton of money on one single day, a single point in time — thousands of dollars on 8 hours of your life. My least favorite videos that came up in the time I planned my wedding were “Here are my five BIGGEST regrets about my wedding.” Unless you have a Vogue wedding budget, you must necessarily let go of the illusion of timelessness. It’s stupid to think about the potential regrets of something that hasn’t even happened yet! I think it’s also crucial to remember that you would never pass that judgment while looking at the old wedding photos of a loved one. When I looked at my mom’s framed wedding portrait in the hallway of my house growing up, or watched my in-laws’ wedding video, I wasn’t ever cringing at the drop-waist princess style dresses of the late 80s and early 90s, or the pearl headbands veils with tulle sprouting out of the back of the head. I was instead tearing up at how beautiful and happy they were. I love seeing what was popular at the time, but also that the emotions of a wedding day never, ever change.

My thesis for the day is this: please do not spend too much of the present worrying about regrets you might have in the future. This applies to clothes, furniture, or anything we buy that isn’t food, paper towels, gas, and insurance. It’s okay to make a mistake, to change your mind about something, and it doesn’t make you wasteful or a scourge on the environment. If you’re concerned about the things I mention above — sustainability, buying secondhand, etc. — you’re already probably doing the best you can! And just remember that people used to do this:

What are you worrying about when it comes to fashion these days? In general? I mentioned when I started this Substack that one of my goals was to help people be kinder to themselves and each other, so as ever I hope I made some small crack at that today.