In college, when I visited Europe for the first time during a summer abroad program, I was fully convinced that I needed to move there. Who isn’t? Many people in their mid-20s (that I know) rue the state of the U.S. and declare, upon returning from Europe, that they’re going to find a way to live there. The beauty, the culture, the socialist practices are all cited as reasons why Europe is superior to the US. The immigration process, of course, is easier said than done, so no one I know personally has actually put their money where their mouth is.
When I went to Europe recently, it was only for two weeks, i.e. not enough time to practice “living” there. However, in surprising contrast to the first time I had visited, I discovered that I couldn’t wait to be home, back in the scrubby old, pavement-pilled US. How did this happen? I was the girl who, in college, would proudly proclaim that she had spent few of the last several Independence Days on US soil. “It’s not like there’s anything to celebrate!” I would say.
I have a coworker from Belgium who moved to the US about 10 years ago. He LOVES the US, the higher temperatures especially (understandable). I was talking to him about this idea that everyone I know wants to move to Europe. Sure, Europe has socialized healthcare and things are cheaper. There is public transit. However, there are also many areas where the US is much more progressive than Europe, which I daresay many of the people who want to jump ship and move to Europe for the endless Talented Mr. Ripley lifestyle would care about. Italy is miles behind on the feminism front. Racism is built into French society as it’s built into the language. While these problems are present in the US, some large group of us are at least having the conversations. My Belgian coworker could not agree more — he finds it far more open and progressive here than in his experience living in Europe for 30 years. I think it’s some kind of logical fallacy to go from the specific to the general, but you know, this is a blog and anecdotes are fair game!
In a country where there are constant school shootings, that debate, and healthcare that is not only obscenely expensive but *unavailable* in many places, I understand that it can be extremely difficult at times to like living here. There is also the existing dichotomy of patriotism. To be patriotic in the year 2024 means something different — the call for a return to a time that never existed. This new meaning makes many of us feel that we have to avoid the connotations of patriotism writ large so as not to give off the wrong vibe, to eschew Old Navy Fourth of July shirts and red, white, and blue manicures.
A lot has changed since I went to France that first time. I couldn’t really move to Europe now like my 20-year-old self would have wanted, as the complex healthcare I need is here. I think that’s why I felt happy to come back home after visiting Europe this spring — for better or worse, it’s home. I may as well enjoy it. I don’t mean to reduce this to a “grass is greener” argument. But aside from requiring a ton of activation energy to legally make the move to Europe, most of us are not in a position to be able to easily leave. I also believe it’s not always good to give up on broken things because we’re frustrated with them, to throw the baby out with the bathwater — even if it seems like there’s a lot of dirty, dirty bathwater.
For some reason this year, I felt called to practice gratitude for the parts of living in the US that I do really love. I think mainly because the alternative, to perseverate on the problems, is to choose to be unhappy in a situation that I don’t have much power to change. I’m feeling some strain of quiet, unconventional patriotism, since we haven’t cornered the market on the conventional kind. The kind where I can at least like and appreciate living here, if only for the beauty and culture of the place itself and not the injustices. Maybe I am writing this to call for a collective pause, because continuing to consume internet vitriol about what always has and probably always will be my home doesn’t feel like a sustainable option to me. I share this silly little list in the hopes that I can remind someone else that we don’t live in a total shithole, if only to make it tolerable for the holiday. This list is more pictures from my camera roll than words and also juxtaposes the States and Europe specifically, since Europe is often contrasted with the States in this context as some kind of utopia.
Europeans love coming here on vacation. It’s true! In Disneyland Paris, there is a whole section that is designed to look like the American West. Whenever I, as a resident Arizonan, am making the obligatory pilgrimage to the Grand Canyon with visiting friends, I will hear French being spoken without fail as we look over the rim. In fact, Arizona is one of the fastest growing vacation destinations for international travelers. “We Americans don’t have any culture.” Tell that to a European in a TikTok comment section who wishes so desperately that they could attend an American high school football game.
Lake houses. Sure, you can stay at a posh hotel on the shores of Lake Como, but no one is doing Lake Houses like we are in the US. Don’t you love sitting at the bow of a speedboat or on a pontoon cushion, wrapped in a towel in a wet swimsuit post-waterskiing with a High Noon in your hand? Waking up from a deep night’s sleep to a day of possibility that starts and ends with sitting on a dock?
Azaleas and Hydrangeas. There is something so Daisy Buchanan, so Emily Gilmore, so Southern Belle about a hydrangea. But anyone can plant a hydrangea! And they are some of my favorite flowers.
Grilling and Barbecues
Driving in my car. Controversial one, but hear me out. I love public transit, I would absolutely use it if I had access to it. But since I have to be in my car, I will say… there is nothing like driving around, doing your errands with the temperature where YOU want it and the music or podcast playing what YOU want. Quarterly, it’s also important to take a >1h30 solo drive, because that is basically meditation time, or at least time to not look at your phone. I have been driving back and forth between Flagstaff and Phoenix a lot recently (about a 2h20 drive), and I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather be alone in my car looking at desert vistas than waiting for a connection in the airport.
We have California. Everyone looooooves to hate on California. But does anyone who grew up in California hate California?? If I had zero financial, job, family, or other restrictions I would live in Santa Barbara — far enough out of Los Angeles, on the beach, far south enough that you can still get in the water.
Stay with me: sports. I have been enjoying watching the Olympic trials almost as much as I enjoy watching the Olympics. All of the athletes come from regular American towns, wear jerseys with universities that you or someone you know may have attended. I will cry when an athlete, particularly a woman, has worked so hard their whole life to be the best at some sport most people have never heard of (and is therefore not lucrative) and wins a place on the Olympic Team. In the same way, I love sitting around and watching college football games in moderation (go gators!). It’s not so much the sport itself so much as it is talking with the other people in the room during commercials, and knowing someone who knows someone who went to a college and rooting for one team based on whichever affiliation is stronger. It’s really sweet to me. Europe has sports obviously, but the university ties are unique and fun.
American Commercials. Mid-roll ads on YouTube are SUPER annoying. But having grown up with commercials as part of my TV experience, I don’t mind them. There’s always one you’re bored of, the creative insurance company ones you can’t help but laugh at, the in-no-way-relevant-to-the-drug pharmaceutical ads (not allowed in other countries). You can check your phone during commercials! You can talk to the other people on the couch!
I <3 New York. When I applied for jobs out of college, I applied in two places: the Bay Area, to be on the same side of the country as Caleb, and New York, a place I’ve always loved visiting since I went to the Times Square M&M store and rode the Times Square Toys R Us ferris wheel when I was 9. I’m happy to report my tastes have developed beyond Times Square, but every time I visit New York, I love waking up and hearing the activity of people starting their day down on the street. It would probably become pedestrian to hear that every day, if I lived there. But at least for me, to hear everyone already out and about makes me feel cozy, like I’m being supported by the hands of many friends, ready to take on a new day together.
We do make really good movies, TV, and music. I would never say that other countries don’t do this, and definitely would get into K-dramas if someone were to point me in the right direction (drop some recs if you got ‘em)! However, I will say that my French host family when I was abroad basically exclusively watched American TV shows with subtitles. I love Angèle, but if our best exports are Succession and Chappell Roan, then I’ll take it as a win.
Alternative milk options. Sue me. I enjoy black coffee and happily drink espresso when in Europe, but it’s nice to have options available!
Coming home for Christmas. No Christmas will ever compare to the one you had growing up. There is a universal American experience of sitting on your classroom floor, watching The Polar Express on a TV that was rolled in on a cart, drinking Swiss Miss out of a tiny styrofoam cup, and that coupled with the other local features of your hometown that make it a nostalgia-filled Christmas to you is so special. I love going to the mall at Christmas and seeing the same decorations that have been put out every year since I was 5. I love the wet, whipping cold outside after Christmas Eve Mass as I shiver in an outfit that was only meant to look good inside the church. No white Christmases, only dead wheat-colored lawns with Frosty inflatables, plastic nativities, and now those red and green projection lights on the houses (a bit of a cop-out, but better than nothing). I love the coffee shops, the Bojangles runs, going to the North Carolina Museum of Art even though I’ve already been a million times. I love a trip to the mountains at Christmastime, and I wish the Biltmore hadn’t gotten so expensive to visit because now it’s honestly not even worth going at any time except Christmas.
Ice & air conditioning. “They’re sooo bad for the environment.” “La clime! La clime!” the French Thai restaurant owner screams at me when I hold the door open for 0.5 seconds too long. Breaking down and ordering an iced coffee in the 10th day of la canicule, and for 6 euros receiving a watered down americano with three desultory, pathetic little ice cubes. Alright, Europe, I see your “air conditioning is bad for the environment” and raise you “get back to me when you’ve broken your plastic water bottle addiction.” For now, I will enjoy my air conditioning and pebble ice.
The diversity of climates and culture here. I know I’ve included several nature pictures already. And maybe you’re not a nature person, but you can at least appreciate the pictures! Not everyone lives somewhere picturesque either, which I can definitely appreciate and have lived in those places myself. I’ve not traveled much outside the States, so I am sure there are many, many picturesque places in the world that are not in my camera roll. But the ones I have, I don’t think are bad. I love lush North Carolina, all the green light, even if most of it is kudzu. I love the rainbow of the desert: blue sky, purple mountains, red earth, green vegetation. I love watching sea lions play on the edge of the endless Pacific. Reminding myself that they are part of the place I live feels pretty special, and no matter how bad things are, there are good, beautiful things as well that make it all pretty okay.
I love this! Your national park pictures are so pretty. That’s one of my favorite parts about the US, too.
Also, I think the NYC picture is Bryant Park facing 42nd—I think that’s the curve of the Grace building